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German police: Pied Piper was a paedophile

German police are confirming that a new enquiry has revealed the famous medieval Pied Piper of Hamelin was, in fact, a dirty paedo. Last year the local Hamelin police found remains of scores of children along with hundreds of rats in a cave outside of Hamelin. The Pied Piper, real name Herman Goebels, is famous […]

Messiah Trump

Rabbis agree Trump is Messiah

After President Donald Trump revealed himself as King of the Jews, the Union of Orthodox Rabbis put out a statement they accept him as the Jewish Messiah. “We were waiting for an old fat racist to come along, he is the true Messiah.” The statement read. The statement continued: “Clearly his assertion that the Charlottesville […]

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UN accuses Israel of creating illegal settlements on the moon

(caption: Israeli tardigrade clearly seen holding an AK47 assault rifle) The United Nations General Assembly today passed resolution 2897 condemning Israeli aggression through its efforts to colonise the moon. The resolution came promptly following the news that an Israeli space vessel had left tardigrades on the earth satellite. A statement from the UN body read: […]

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Last week in review

In the week that passed, Trump told us that he isn’t racist and the Israeli Education Minister Peretz told us he isn’t a homophobe.  Trust in politics is back. A Haredi man in Florida is suing McDonald’s for not hiring him due to his beard, a spokesman for McDonald’s said: “We had to let him […]

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Native American spokesperson supports Trump’s plan to send foreigners home

As American President Donald Trump is roundly attacked for his racist comments this week, one group has stood by him and offered their support. Mr Trump who this week told four female democratic congresswomen that they can ‘go home’, has been under immense attack from politicians and civil rights groups around the world.   Dave Head, […]

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Climate change too depressing to solve says UN

The UN has published a new report on catastrophic climate change which claims that addressing the problem is just too depressing.  The document introduction says “We’ve gathered together over 500 peer-reviewed papers on climate change and included the latest news reports which suggest that humans are now ingesting more than 5 grams per week of […]

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Theresa May announces intention to run for Israeli Prime Minister

“After thinking about it long and hard, I’ve decided that what Israel really needs right now is a failed Prime Minister who has no humility, heart or ability to get the job done.  “ In a verbal statement May said “Given that Prime Minister Netanyahu may be imprisoned very soon – for getting caught doing […]

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The Daily Jews launched to the world

With offices on Fleet Street, Hendon. The Daily Jews this week launched its new publication at a wild all-night party full of celebrity Jews and other VIPs.  In attendance were TV personality Rachel Riley who was seen mingling with Author and Poet Michael Rosen, former MP George Galloway and for Chief Rabbi, Lord Jonathan Sacks. […]

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Israel to grant citizenship to all Israeli cats in an effort to address demographic ‘crisis’.

Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu has announced a new initiative to address the demographic time bomb which has been identified as a major threat to the Jewish state. Whilst technically not Jewish, cats in Israel are known to be very racist and dislike Arabs including Mizrachi Jews. They are likely on-the-whole to vote for Ashkenazi, […]

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Malaysian Prime Minister ‘some of my best friends are Jewish’

Speaking at a Cambridge Union event this week, the Malaysian Prime Minister Dr Mahathir Mohamad, confirmed to a packed audience that he can’t, in fact, be antisemitic because some of his best friends are Jewish. The Prime Minister went on to say ‘saying Jews have hooked noses and are inherently good with money is not […]

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