German police: Pied Piper was a paedophile
German police are confirming that a new enquiry has revealed the famous medieval Pied Piper of Hamelin was, in fact, a dirty paedo.
Last year the local Hamelin police found remains of scores of children along with hundreds of rats in a cave outside of Hamelin.
The Pied Piper, real name Herman Goebels, is famous for having lured the children of Hamelin away with him when the community failed to pay for his rat-catching services about 1000 years ago.
DNA evidence from the scene shows that Mr Goebels had been having sex with the children and the rats. Apparently, without the rats’ consent.
Local police spokesperson Helen Schadenfraude told the Daily Jews that until recently there was no suspicion of foul play here. “For 1000 years, we believe he was a benign character with no nefarious intent. Now it seems he was a rat-fucking paedophile. Who would have guessed?”
Police are searching for his flute-like instrument in the hopes of ensuring it is not used for anything other than rat-catching.
