Rabbis agree Trump is Messiah
After President Donald Trump revealed himself as King of the Jews, the Union of Orthodox Rabbis put out a statement they accept him as the Jewish Messiah.
“We were waiting for an old fat racist to come along, he is the true Messiah.” The statement read.
The statement continued: “Clearly his assertion that the Charlottesville marchers who chanted ‘Jews will not replace us’, had ‘good people among them’ was a rouse; so that his true nature would not be revealed prematurely.
He does bear a striking resemblance to Kind David, who the Messiah is prophesied to be descended from. Apart from the hair, face, skin colour, messaging, theology. All of which are mere details.”
The rabbinical statement continued:
“Any moment now, all Jews will start observing the entirety of Jewish law and are preparing the democrats for ritual sacrifice as commanded by their new king.”
However, Christian scholars argued that he’s the second coming of Christ. The Vatican explained: “He is here to herald the kingdom of God which is signified by racist signs and the miracles of international trade wars. Truly he has returned.
We thought he was coming on a donkey to Jerusalem. We now accept we misunderstood the text and in fact, he is the Donkey that scripture refers to.”
Bestest friend and a previous contender for King of the Jews, Bibi told reporters he had seen the signs and wonders himself. Including the moment Trump cut humanitarian aid to the Palestinians. A sure sign of a loving and just king.
The Daily Jews asked Trump for his family history to show his family links to King David. A spokesperson for the Whitehouse told us “The Trump family history is currently being audited by the IRS, so he’s unable to share it.”