‘R’ rate for Cummings memes now below 1, government confirms

A press release from Number 10 this morning announced the news that the R rate for memes relating to Dominic Cummings breaching of lockdown is now below 1.

The news will come as a relief to Prime Minister Boris Johnson who has been hoping people will just “shut the fuck up” about his Chief advisor Mr Cummings who breached the lockdown and rubbed the nations faces in it by refusing to stand down or apologise.

In the statement, government Chief Scientist Dr Hairloss explained the science behind the R rate. “The R rate is the rate at which Cummings Memes reproduce or are retweeted on social media.

We saw peek Cummings on Tuesday, the day after Mr Cummings gave a press conference to explain his trip to Durham and the self eye test he legally administered by driving 60 miles to a Castle and back. The pandemic of Memes reached fever pitch with shares in Specsavers increasing 300% on Wednesday morning.

We’re happy to say though that after yesterdays daily Covid briefing when the PM told the press to shut up and stop asking questions, the R rate has reduced from 5000 to just under 1, somewhere between .6 and .9. – varying on different social media platforms.”

The Prime Minister was careful to warn through that if the R rate could increase to over 1 again. “If the R rate increases and we’re back into exponential growth, I might have to fire Mr Cummings and then I’d be really fucked.”

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