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Climate change activist arrested for giving a shit

Derek Hampton from Hampton was this morning arrested by police at Trafalgar Square in London on charges of ‘protesting in favour of the survival of the human race’. The arrest follows a crackdown against climate change protestors who have been disrupting the public order according to Metropolitan Police head Steve Bastard. “We, of course, support […]

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Jesus facial reconstruction created based on new DNA evidence

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Paralysed man: My Robot exoskeleton sucks

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Thomas Cook CEO: I can’t believe people bought our shit holidays for this long

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Science

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New Smartwatch ensures you’re always fashionably late

A new smartwatch has been released by Frapple that claim to make geeks 10% ‘hipper’. The watch which has a calendar feature has a variable clock on it which is never 100% right. Watch designer Gerhart Twohands told the Daily Jews that the concept is to confuse users into being late. “I used to set […]

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Report: Consuming water addictive

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UN report shows vegan diet contributes to climate change

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Scientists invent time travel to kill composer of Hava Nagila

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Sport

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Spurs consult fans on best word to slur Jews

Tottenham Hotspur football club has today launched a consultation with fans to decide which is the best racial insult to use against Jews. Historically Spurs have been known as the Yids or Yiddos. In recent years this slur has become dull and worn-out, so the club is reaching out to fans to look for replacements. […]

SAN DIEGO, CALIFORNIA - JULY 20: Natalie Portman of Marvel Studios' 'Thor: Love and Thunder' at the San Diego Comic-Con International 2019 Marvel Studios Panel in Hall H on July 20, 2019 in San Diego, California. (Photo by Alberto E. Rodriguez/Getty Images for Disney)

Natalie Portman to become professional Hammer Thrower

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English fans overjoyed as people they don’t know and never met win a game

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Football Transfer rumour: Arsenal linked with entire Real Madrid squad

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UK Politics

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Boris receives medal from Galactic Princess for saving Brexit

PM Boris Johson updated the cabinet on his overnight work this morning. A leaked memo reported the following: Legions of rebel forces and civilians from the four corners of the galaxy travelled to a faraway land today to watch Chewbacca, Luke Skywalker and Boris Johnson receive medals from Princess Leia. The medals were awarded for […]

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Government plans death sentence for those blocking Brexit

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Labour conference votes to let antisemitism fester for another year

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Attorney General: I am a fucking knob head

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