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5g causes Coronavirus

Experts on the internet have confirmed that 5g is the cause of the novel Coronavirus. Researches around the world pooled their talents and, we’re able to prove that every time someone makes a phone call using 5g, an elderly person with underlying health conditions dies of Covid-19. Dave Cullings from Portsmouth who works in a […]

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Survivors bored of the apocalypse already

A poll of Covid-19 survivors found that 93.24% of people are already bored of the apocalypse. The survey which polled 3.2bn people, mostly in countries inflicted with the deadly new coronavirus was carried out by Morris-Ipsos. “I really thought it would be more action-packed than this” Dave Woodwood 29 from Southend told us. He went […]

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Coronavirus: Happy Birthday infringes copyright, say Warner Bros

Warner Bros, the owner of the copyright on the song Happy Birthday, has issued a cease and desist order to members of the public who sing Happy Birthday twice while washing their hands. The letter sent to all homes in the UK states “playing the tune back in your head is allowed, but singing it […]

virus

Jews 100x more likely to suffer from coronavirus panic

A survey by Morris-Ipsosovich has found that Jews in the UK are 100x more likely to be terrified of coronavirus than Goyim. The poll which ran between 1-2 pm yesterday a randomised sample of Jews and Goyim were asked: “On a scale of 1-10, how afraid are you that coronavirus will result in a shlept-out […]

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Jewish Chronicle to merge with Daily Mail

After months of negotiations, the Jewish Chronicle has agreed to merge with the Daily Mail today. The JC has been financially struggling for years despite being funded by the Elders of Zion and other Zionist world controlling groups. This merger would see the stabilisation of their finances and a new car for the editor, Stephen […]

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Heineken Virus has led to zero deaths so far

Following the news announced last week that Heineken are launching their own virus to compete with Corona, initial testing has shown the zero % fatality rate. The team at Heineken labs have been injecting test patients with 200ml of Heineken a day and other than some sickness and headaches, the virus has yet to cause […]

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Gordon the Gopher comes out of the closet as Philip Scholfield

1990’s TV star Gordon the Gopher has come out of the closet and announced to the world that he’s Phillip Scholfield. Mr Scholfield revealed that he has never actually been a real Gopher and he was even aware of this when Mr Gopher married Maurine the Mouse in 2011. Mr Scholfield told reports “I apologise […]

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Heineken to launch rival virus to Corona

British based larger brand, Heineken are to launch their own bespoke virus to compete with the popular Corona-virus created by the Mexican larger company. A statement from Heineken Inc said “The Corona-virus has done wonders for the Corona brand and we’re looking for the same kind of uptick in sales by creating our own lethal […]

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Appeal: Socks are not just for Xmas

Every year millions of socks are bought as gifts at Christmas. The buyers’ intentions are usually good, to provide a loving home, warm washing machine and regular walks. But a shocking new study has shown that 98.87% of Xmas socks are discarded after only one week. The study was funded by the National Association of […]

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Boris Johnson to appear on Andrew Neil, 13th December

PM Boris Johnson has finally agreed to be grilled by interviewer Andrew Neil, on 13th December. Neil who had previously torn a new anus for Corbyn was supposed to have been providing new cavities for all the leadership hopefuls but until now Mr Johnson had avoided setting a date. Johnson told the BBC today that […]

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