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‘R’ rate for Cummings memes now below 1, government confirms

A press release from Number 10 this morning announced the news that the R rate for memes relating to Dominic Cummings breaching of lockdown is now below 1. The news will come as a relief to Prime Minister Boris Johnson who has been hoping people will just “shut the fuck up” about his Chief advisor […]

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BoD advising PM on taking confused immoral leadership stands

Reports have emerged this morning that Board of Deputies president, Marie van der Something has been coaching Boris Johnson over the Cummings Covid-19 debacle. Mr Cummings is the senior advisor to Boris Johnson and masterminded his unlikely win over Jeremy Corbyn at the general election in 2019. He was recently caught breaking the lockdown rules […]

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At hustings, Labour leadership hopefuls bid to make the Jews shut up

The Jewish Labour Movement together with Labour Friends of Israel, along with Mossad, hosted a labour leadership hustings event last week. All four leadership candidates, Becks Bailey, Thorny Berry, Lisa Nandos-Chicken and Sir Keir Poshboy had previously signed up to the Elders of Zion pledges*. On the night, Nandos-chicken was the toast of the room […]

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Brexit supporter wondering why foreigners are still here after 31st Jan

A Brexit supporter from York is in shock after realising that his Polish neighbours haven’t left the UK following Britains exit from the EU on 31st Jan. Dave McMac, 37, from York whose parents were born in Ireland is “gutted” that Brexit doesn’t mean Brexit. He told the Daily Jews that he voted Brexit to […]

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Corbyn’s clone to stand in leadership election

Jeremy Corbyn’s biological clone has announced he will be standing for the Labour leadership. The clone, named as Jeremy+ Corbyn, was created three years ago as a backup plan by campaign group Momentum should the original Corbyn be hit by a bus or even more unlikely, lose the election. Jon Lansman, token Jew of Momentum, […]

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Corbyn to join board of Estee Lauder after crushing election defeat

Jeremy Corbyn has announced that after he steps down from his role of Labour party leader, he will take up a board post with Estee Lauder. The failed leader, who many expected to return to his former glory three days after the election, has told the Daily Jews that he’s always had a keen interest […]

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Chief Rabbi to Corbyn ‘this is what happens when you fuck with the Jews’

Ephraim Mirvis, the Chief Rabbi of the UK and commonwealth, has reacted defiantly to LAbour’s heavy defeat in the general election. Rabbi Mirvis told the Daily Jews that Mr Corbyn had “fucked” with the wrong people.  The CR went on to say “Jeremy, this is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass”. We also asked […]

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Johnson ‘can’t believe they fell for it’

Re-elected Prime Minister, Boris Johnson, today told the Daily Jews he couldn’t believe the idiots fell for it. “I lied my way through the campaign, everyone knew it, even the fridge I hid in new I was lying. I’m amazed that my bullshit worked. I want to thank my friend Donald for his fantastic advice. […]

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Labour voters ‘gutted’ they will have to pay for broadband

Following the Conservative party massive victory in the election, Labour supporters are decrying the fact that they will have to pay for their broadband connections. “fuck the NHS. I can’t believe I won’t get free fibre” Jason from Southend told the Daily Jews today. Jane, from Oldham, told us: “I was hoping to see less […]

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Corbyn to tax millionaire shortbread

Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn has announced he will raise new revenues to pay for investment needed in the NHS by taxing millionaire shortbread. The move was immediately condemned by high street food outlet Leon who currently sell a millionaire shortbread for £2.69. A spokesperson for Leon told the Daily Jews the price would have to […]

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