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Boris promises more floods if northerners don’t vote for him

Following a Cobra meeting today to discuss the crises of flooding in the north of England, Boris Johnson took to the streets to threaten locals into supporting the Conservative party in the elections. The north of England, which has only recently got electricity and running water, has been declared an emergency zone due to heavy […]

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Jewish Chronicle predicts apocalypse if Labour wins election

This Jewish Chronicle (the official sanctioned mouthpiece of the UK Jewish community), has published an editorial warning that the final apocalypse of God will be happening 12 December unless everyone in the UK votes for the Conservative party. “God is angry with the Goyim” the editorial claimed. “Only Boris is the true Messiah who can […]

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Chris Williamson to stand for Tories after Labour ban

Suspended Labour MP Chris Williamson has announced he will be standing as a Conservative MP after being barred by the party NEC from standing for Labour. The Labour national executive will not allow a suspended MP to stand for office. Mr Williamson was suspended (twice) after repeatedly baiting the Jewish community and defending antisemites. Mr […]

FILE PHOTO: Britain's Labour Party leader Jeremy Corbyn learning to gesticulate like a Jew.

Corbyn learning Yiddish to lure Jewish voters

Reports leaked from a closed-door meeting between the Labour leadership and the Board of Deputies suggest Jeremy Corbyn has been learning Yiddish in a bid to repair relationships with the Jewish community. Mr Corbyn met with Board of Deputies Chair, Marie Van Damme this week during which he reportedly told Mrs Van Damme of his […]

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How to blame the Jews for the election result you didn’t want

With the UK general election just weeks away, antisemites need to be ready with all their blaming when things don’t go there way. We’ve produced a short handy guide for how to blame Jews for your party losing the election. ¬†Conservatives lose – Why did any Jews vote for Labour? They’ve put an antisemite (Corbyn) […]

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Massive erection special – taking a look at the candidates for PM

As MP’s vote on which day a general erection will happen, the Daily Jews takes a look at the leaders of the main parties who could become PM. Boris Johnson (Conservative Party) – The clue is the name, but can Johnson have a good erection? He promised to deliver Brexit by 31st October ‘No matter […]

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PM Johnson calls for General Erection

With news today that the EU has agreed to a three month Brexit delay, Prime Minister, Boris Johnson, has called for a General Erection to be held 12th December 2019. Mr Johnson told reports that a massive erection involving the entire UK is the only way to get Brexit done. “What we really need now […]

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Boris receives medal from Galactic Princess for saving Brexit

PM Boris Johson updated the cabinet on his overnight work this morning. A leaked memo reported the following: Legions of rebel forces and civilians from the four corners of the galaxy travelled to a faraway land today to watch Chewbacca, Luke Skywalker and Boris Johnson receive medals from Princess Leia. The medals were awarded for […]

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Government plans death sentence for those blocking Brexit

In a last-minute gambit by Prime Minister Boris Johnson, the government is proposing instituting the death penalty for MP’s who vote to block Brexit. Mr Johnson announced the new measures at a press conference this morning. He told reporters, “I vowed to get Brexit done by 31st October by any means possible, and I meant […]

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Labour conference votes to let antisemitism fester for another year

As the Labour Party conference came to a close this year, delegates were involved in a robust debate on antisemitism. A motion was passed to, yet again, only partially address antisemitism in the party and to let it rot some more. The motion called on Labour to do little more on antisemitism. “Antisemitism is a […]

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