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Jewish Chronicle predicts apocalypse if Labour wins election

This Jewish Chronicle (the official sanctioned mouthpiece of the UK Jewish community), has published an editorial warning that the final apocalypse of God will be happening 12 December unless everyone in the UK votes for the Conservative party. “God is angry with the Goyim” the editorial claimed. “Only Boris is the true Messiah who can […]

FILE PHOTO: Britain's Labour Party leader Jeremy Corbyn learning to gesticulate like a Jew.

Corbyn learning Yiddish to lure Jewish voters

Reports leaked from a closed-door meeting between the Labour leadership and the Board of Deputies suggest Jeremy Corbyn has been learning Yiddish in a bid to repair relationships with the Jewish community. Mr Corbyn met with Board of Deputies Chair, Marie Van Damme this week during which he reportedly told Mrs Van Damme of his […]

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Gerrer Rebbe: “Halloween is Jewish”

A top Chassidic Rebbe has declared Halloween a Jewish festival after discovering a Sefer (document) describing how Moshe Rabbeinu (Moses) would dress up as a Witch and scare local children when B’nai Yisrael (the children of Israel) was wandering the desert. The newly discovered tome shows how the younger children of Israel would ask for […]

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Local Jewish sports team delighted to have taken part

North West London Jewish sports team Maccabi Somethingorother has played a game this week. Manager and Head coach Asher Garfunklavich told the Daily Jews he was delighted his team had taken part. “They say it’s the taking part that counts, it’s true”, he told us.” The team are in a league with other teams who […]

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Letter: Thank fuck it’s over – joy at end of Jewish festivals

Dear Editor, I’m a 67-year-old Jewish woman living in Bushy. I have two children and three grandchildren. I wish they would just fuck off now. It’s been weeks of Jewish festivals. I’ve made enough food to kill an army. At this point, if I see a roast chicken, I gag. I mean, who thought of […]

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Frum Friday – Top 10 chumras from our readers

We asked our extra pious readers what they do to go above and beyond keeping Mitzvot: Yitzchok – North Hendon: On Shabbat, I don’t go to the toilet thus avoiding tearing toilet roll. I now have bowel cancer Mirriam – Stamford Hill: I walk around naked on Shabbat to ensure I don’t accidentally carry something […]

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Interview: Family describe how their £45k Sukkah connects them with nature

We sat down with the Rosenberg family from Hendon to discuss what the festival of Sukkot means to them. Daily Jews: Thanks for having us in your Sukkah, can you tell us how you built it Charles Rosenberg (father): You’re welcome, please have some chopped herring. As is traditional, we spent £45,000 on an extension […]

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Mourners gather to remember when Jewish Chronicle was good

The controversial group who said the Kaddish prayer for Palestinians killed during the ‘March of Return’ has turned their attentions to the Jewish Chronicle. Observing that the Journalistic integrity of the newspaper has nosedived over the past few years. The loose-knit group of young Jewish activists will be holding a 24h vigil outside the Golders […]

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Jews recover from Rosh Hashana hell

Millions of Jews around the world started their recovery from the annual cruel and masochistic festival of Rosh Hashana today. Children as young as two months old were among the survivors of this year’s barbaric two-day festival where people were forced to spend long periods in depressing shul services and the rest of the time […]

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Jews 1000x more likely to face antisemitism

A new report from CST (the Community Security Trust) has found shocking evidence that Jews are considerably more likely to be at the receiving end of antisemitism than non-Jews. Research conducted over five years shows that a Jew is 1000x more likely to receive antisemitism than a non-Jew. “This shocking revelation shows once again how […]

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