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‘Oscars’ to sue ‘Jews got Talent’ by Jewish care

Monty Meyerowitz, CEO of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences (the awarding body behind the Oscars) has announced he is to sue Jewish care of their hosting of ‘Jews got Talent’ the final of which is this coming Sunday. Meyerowitz told the Daily Jews that ‘Jews got Talent’ is the Oscars and therefore […]

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At hustings, Labour leadership hopefuls bid to make the Jews shut up

The Jewish Labour Movement together with Labour Friends of Israel, along with Mossad, hosted a labour leadership hustings event last week. All four leadership candidates, Becks Bailey, Thorny Berry, Lisa Nandos-Chicken and Sir Keir Poshboy had previously signed up to the Elders of Zion pledges*. On the night, Nandos-chicken was the toast of the room […]

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Jewish Chronicle to merge with Daily Mail

After months of negotiations, the Jewish Chronicle has agreed to merge with the Daily Mail today. The JC has been financially struggling for years despite being funded by the Elders of Zion and other Zionist world controlling groups. This merger would see the stabilisation of their finances and a new car for the editor, Stephen […]

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Heineken Virus has led to zero deaths so far

Following the news announced last week that Heineken are launching their own virus to compete with Corona, initial testing has shown the zero % fatality rate. The team at Heineken labs have been injecting test patients with 200ml of Heineken a day and other than some sickness and headaches, the virus has yet to cause […]

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Gordon the Gopher comes out of the closet as Philip Scholfield

1990’s TV star Gordon the Gopher has come out of the closet and announced to the world that he’s Phillip Scholfield. Mr Scholfield revealed that he has never actually been a real Gopher and he was even aware of this when Mr Gopher married Maurine the Mouse in 2011. Mr Scholfield told reports “I apologise […]

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Heineken to launch rival virus to Corona

British based larger brand, Heineken are to launch their own bespoke virus to compete with the popular Corona-virus created by the Mexican larger company. A statement from Heineken Inc said “The Corona-virus has done wonders for the Corona brand and we’re looking for the same kind of uptick in sales by creating our own lethal […]

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No antisemitism in Labour party say antisemitic Labour members

The Jewish community in the UK breathed a huge sigh of relief as a survey of Labour members who are antisemitic has shown that none of them has seen antisemitism in the Labour party. Marie Van Dam, the President of the Board of Deputies, who represent 1% of British Jews according to the same survey, […]

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New Star Trek series to be set in retirement home

Following the success of Star Trek: Picard, the new show streaming on CBS All Access and Amazon Prime. Executive Producer Alex Kurtzman has announced a new Star Trek show to air next year to be set in the dementia ward of a retirement home. Mr Kurtzman told The Daily Jews that the 94-year-old Jean Luc […]

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Brexit supporter wondering why foreigners are still here after 31st Jan

A Brexit supporter from York is in shock after realising that his Polish neighbours haven’t left the UK following Britains exit from the EU on 31st Jan. Dave McMac, 37, from York whose parents were born in Ireland is “gutted” that Brexit doesn’t mean Brexit. He told the Daily Jews that he voted Brexit to […]

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Bochrim decry ‘anticlimactic’ Daf Yomi ending

After seven seasons of Daf Yomi, streamed all over the web, thousands of avid followers of the series have been left disappointed with the ending of the Talmud. Daily Jews visited the Siyum Hashas fan convention in New York last week and spoke to fans about their experiences. Noson ben Noson from Delaware has been […]

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