Currently Browsing: UK Politics
Corbyn to tax millionaire shortbread
Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn has announced he will raise new revenues to pay for investment needed in the NHS by taxing millionaire shortbread. The move was immediately condemned by high street food outlet Leon who currently sell a millionaire shortbread for £2.69. A spokesperson for Leon told the Daily Jews the price would have to […]
Boris promises new government will hate all minorities equally
Boris Johnson has ramped up his electioneering with only a day left of campaigning. The Prime Minister is reaching out to all minority groups, some of whom have complained about Tory racism. In a speech to his supporters in Stockport today, Mr Johnson promised that he would launch an independent enquiry into all forms of […]
Labour offers ‘goody bag’ in last-minute election bid
The Labour party today has offered to give everyone in the country a ‘goody bag’, should they win the election which is being held on Thursday this week. Jeremy Corbyn pledged today that within the first 100 days, every man, woman, non-binary gendered human, child and Welsh person would receive a bag in the post […]
Boris Johnson to appear on Andrew Neil, 13th December
PM Boris Johnson has finally agreed to be grilled by interviewer Andrew Neil, on 13th December. Neil who had previously torn a new anus for Corbyn was supposed to have been providing new cavities for all the leadership hopefuls but until now Mr Johnson had avoided setting a date. Johnson told the BBC today that […]
UK divided over which sack of shit to vote for
A new poll out today by Morris Ipsosovich shows the electorate shifting their votes to the two main parties. The party led by the blue sack of shit is now at 39% with the party led by the red sack of shit closing the lead now up to 32%. We asked voters today how they […]
Polling company accused of “pro-Jewish” bias
Polling company Ipsos-Mori is being accused of being too pro-Jewish. The claim made by the Federation of Antisemites Sadistic Cunts Islamophobes Sociopaths and Theatre-critics or FASCIST is that Ipsos-Mori is, in fact, a man called Morris Ipsosovich who lives in North Hackney. The FASCIST group went on to say that Mr Ipsosovich was good at […]
Dumb and Dumber movie mistaken for UK election debate
A new poll by YouGov has revealed that 200k people watching Dumb and Dumber last night thought they were watching the election debate between Corbyn and Johnson. The pollster said after the film that 51 % of those thought Boris (Jeff Daniels) came out on top, whereas 49% thought Jeremy (Jim Carey) came out on […]
Tory party to be nationalised under Labour government
Labour party leader, Jeremy Corbyn, today outlined plans to nationalise the Conservative party should they win the election. Mr Corbyn was talking to a forum called ‘Brexit on-the-fencers’ about his plans for maybe or maybe not pursuing Brexit, when he announced the new policy. He told the audience: “For too long, the Conservative party has […]
Boris promises more floods if northerners don’t vote for him
Following a Cobra meeting today to discuss the crises of flooding in the north of England, Boris Johnson took to the streets to threaten locals into supporting the Conservative party in the elections. The north of England, which has only recently got electricity and running water, has been declared an emergency zone due to heavy […]
Jewish Chronicle predicts apocalypse if Labour wins election
This Jewish Chronicle (the official sanctioned mouthpiece of the UK Jewish community), has published an editorial warning that the final apocalypse of God will be happening 12 December unless everyone in the UK votes for the Conservative party. “God is angry with the Goyim” the editorial claimed. “Only Boris is the true Messiah who can […]
