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Boris promises more floods if northerners don’t vote for him

Following a Cobra meeting today to discuss the crises of flooding in the north of England, Boris Johnson took to the streets to threaten locals into supporting the Conservative party in the elections.

The north of England, which has only recently got electricity and running water, has been declared an emergency zone due to heavy rain causing flooding. One man thinks he may have wet his pants but can’t be sure it wasn’t the rain.

Mr Johnson told passersby “If you vote for Labour you’re basically voting to be drowned by Labours Brexit policies.”

He later told reporters: “It’s important that Brexit isn’t the only issue of this election. That’s why I am reminding everyone that if you vote for Labour, you vote to stay in the EU. The EU will then punish everyone by unleashing more of these floods that they are clearly responsible for.

This is why I say, let’s great Brexit done. Once Brexit is done, we will all get very rich, the whole country I promise. I’ll give everyone a free boat and the NHS will not be needed because leaving the EU will give us abundant health and we will all live forever.

So remember everyone, this election is not just about Brexit”.

In response, a Labour spokesperson denied this had anything to do with antisemitism. “We take antisemitism very seriously in our party. All claims are investigated fairly, and Jeremy loves the yids.”

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