Labour offers ‘goody bag’ in last-minute election bid

The Labour party today has offered to give everyone in the country a ‘goody bag’, should they win the election which is being held on Thursday this week.

Jeremy Corbyn pledged today that within the first 100 days, every man, woman, non-binary gendered human, child and Welsh person would receive a bag in the post which includes a slide of cake, a balloon, a small toy and a ‘we love Hamas’ t-shirt.

A Labour party spokesperson explained the new strategy to the Daily Jews. “We’ve tried everything else, free healthcare, free childcare, free internet, free porn, free money but yet we’re still behind in the polls. We thought that if we could bring a certain party atmosphere to the UK, it might push things along a little for us”.

In response to the new offer, PM Boris Johnson promised lower taxes and free blow and hookers for all.

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