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Tory party to be nationalised under Labour government

Labour party leader, Jeremy Corbyn, today outlined plans to nationalise the Conservative party should they win the election.

Mr Corbyn was talking to a forum called ‘Brexit on-the-fencers’ about his plans for maybe or maybe not pursuing Brexit, when he announced the new policy.

He told the audience: “For too long, the Conservative party has been owned by the few and not the many. Labour will nationalise the Tories so that everyone has a say in this national institution, not just a few old, rich white people.”

“We will create a real opportunity to increase access to racist, selfish, regressive politics.”

The speech also covered a range of other topics such as introducing free vegan milk into primary school for poor children who can only afford cows milk, relief for sexually frustrated prisoners and a Macbook Pro for all pensioners in the UK.

“This is a once in a lifetime opportunity for us to bribe the electorate into voting for us.” Mr Corbyn told the audience. “This way we can win this election, even though we don’t know what the fuck we’re doing on Brexit.”

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