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Paralysed man: My Robot exoskeleton sucks

Thibault (30) was able to move his four limbs for the first time in two years after an accident left him paralysed. The feat was achieved through mind control following an operation to install robot sensors to his brain.

In an exclusive interview, Thibault told us how he prepared for the procedure. “When the University first approached me about this project, I needed to do some research. So I rented a copy of Robocop (the original not the remake) and watched it 17 times.

The scientists told me that my movement would be limited in the first version as this was a proof of concept. So I was prepared for that. “

However, Thibault was shocked that there were no weapons attached to the new exoskeleton.

“During testing, the first thing I thought was, where are the fucking laser-guided rockets? Would it really have been that much more work to enable me to destroy a house with an RPG through mind control?”

Terresa Maybe, The project manager at the University of Grenoble where the trial is being run, told us there are plans to soup up the next version of the exoskeleton. “We’re planning to give him a robotic penis which frankly would have many advantages over a regular useless flaccid dick, but enough about my husband Jim.”

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