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Corbyn learning Yiddish to lure Jewish voters

Reports leaked from a closed-door meeting between the Labour leadership and the Board of Deputies suggest Jeremy Corbyn has been learning Yiddish in a bid to repair relationships with the Jewish community.

Mr Corbyn met with Board of Deputies Chair, Marie Van Damme this week during which he reportedly told Mrs Van Damme of his sadness at the relationship. “I know it’s been a real balagan, but I don’t want you to be broigus with me anymore” Mr Corbyn is reported to have said.

A leaked report from the meeting detailed how Mr Corbyn, currently campaigning to be Prime Minister, appealed to the Jewish community.

“Gevalt! We both said things we perhaps shouldn’t. You called me an antisemite, and I said some antisemitic things. We’re both to blame really”.

The leaked notes suggested Mr Corbyn was gesticulating wildly when he said: “In restitution, I’m going to donate all the maror I’m growing in my allotment to the JVL seder”.

He went on to explain how he has learnt from his mistakes. “I really get it now. I was a plotz, a shlemeil. If my mum were alive today, olav ha’sholem, she’d smack my tuchus. Did I mention she was at cable street?”

Regarding Brexit, Mr Corbyn admitted he had made a “Matza pudding” out of it. But said, if you vote for him he can promise either Brexit or No Brexit for sure.

A spokesperson for the campaign group, Mizrachi Lives Matter, told us, “You’d think given his friendships with Hamas and Hizbullah, he could learn some Judeo-Arabic?”

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