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Jesus facial reconstruction created based on new DNA evidence

We can report an amazing advancement of our understanding of history and religion. Scientists have been able to extract DNA from an ossuary identified as the burial place of Jesus Christ, that famous guy from Church.

In an interview with the Daily Jews, chief scientist Dr Sarah Skidlededoop detailed how Jesus would have looked based on the DNA evidence. “It’s well known that Jesus was not white but rather looked a bit Israeli. What’s not so well know is that he was short, fat and balding.”

Dr Skidlededoop went on to tell us that Jesus had many common Jewish genetic defects. “We can tell from the DNA that he had irritable bowel syndrome, he likely facilitated between constipation and shitting his pants regularly. He also suffered from acid-indigestion and would have been addicted to antacid tablets if he lived in the modern-day.”

She explained further, if Jesus were alive today, he would have worn glasses due to his poor eye-sight. “Everyone on Jesus’s mother’s side had poor eye-site. Although we speculate that his Dad, God, had 20-20 vision.”

This stunning discovery will change the way many church effigies of Jesus are depicted. Our design department has worked with the University of Skegness to recreate what an updated effigy would look like.

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