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Letter: Thank fuck it’s over – joy at end of Jewish festivals

Dear Editor,

I’m a 67-year-old Jewish woman living in Bushy. I have two children and three grandchildren. I wish they would just fuck off now.

It’s been weeks of Jewish festivals. I’ve made enough food to kill an army. At this point, if I see a roast chicken, I gag.

I mean, who thought of having all these festivals so close together? It’s either proof that G!d is a sadistic bastard or that he doesn’t exist at all.

Dear G!D, at what point will my kids become independent? I don’t even invite them over. They just turn up. Couldn’t they feed themselves over Yom Tov?

I hate my husband. During the year he’s OK. He still works, so I don’t have to see him that much. Then this time of year comes around, and I remember he’s a lazy fat fucker. I’m running around doing shopping, cleaning, cooking, and he sits there reading a book like there is nothing to do. Then when we go to bed, he wants a handjob.

When my husband retires, I might have to get a divorce. All he’s really good for is accountancy. Perhaps he could move in with his elderly mother. She can look after the diabetic leech.

Anyway, It’s a relief now it’s all over. I’m planning on having a minor stroke so I can get away from everything for a while. I hear Barnet General is nice this time of year.

One more thing Mr Editor. Your articles are vulgar and disrespectful.

Yours Sincerely,

Maggy Hoffman

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