Thomas Cook CEO: I can’t believe people bought our shit holidays for this long

CEO of failed tour operator Thomas Cook, Craig Rippoff, told the press this week that the whole business was a waste of time since the internet came along. “Anyone who can use google can create their own package holiday for half the price these days. It’s amazing that we got away with selling this overprice shit for so long”.

The company estimates that 40% of holidaymakers are still abroad, many of them struggling to get home. Mr Rippoff went on to explain that he didn’t feel sorry for those still trapped overseas. “It’s their own fault for being so lazy they couldn’t be arsed to book a flight, hotel and local activities separately. It’s not hard, its easier than picking the right wine to go with your meal, which I do three times a day.”

Jackie Chavnik booked her holiday with Thomas Cook 18-months ago. She and her family are trapped in Mallorca waiting for a flight to bring them home. She told the Daily Jews of the torment she is facing “We’ve had to spend 48 extra hours in this sun-soaked beautiful resort because of these bastards. My Children are getting fed up with 24-hour activities, fantastic food, and playing with other kids. They want to be back home in England where it’s pouring down with rain.”

Concerns back in the UK were for the large workforce employed by Thomas Cook. CEO Mr Rippoff told the Daily Jews he was sure staff would find it easy to get new jobs. “We trained our staff to use a search engine to book package holidays for you. They’re basically like cheap personal shoppers. With that training, we strongly believe we’ve equipped our staff to do similar jobs such as… oh wait a minute my phone’s ringing”.

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