Climate change activist arrested for giving a shit
Derek Hampton from Hampton was this morning arrested by police at Trafalgar Square in London on charges of ‘protesting in favour of the survival of the human race’.
The arrest follows a crackdown against climate change protestors who have been disrupting the public order according to Metropolitan Police head Steve Bastard. “We, of course, support individual citizens democratic right to protest as long as within specified limits. However recently activists have been gone way too far with activities such as chanting, singing, carrying around signs and other general merriment. This pernicious behaviour will not be tolerated on the streets of London.”
Mr Hampton will appear before Hampton Magistrates Court next week charged with the criminal offence of giving a shit. Prosecuting Solicitor, Terrance S’okay, told the Daily Jews that the legal system is looking punish any lack of apathy. “I can’t comment on the specifics of this case, but I will say Hampton is an evil bastard determined to make people think about the world. The government has made it very clear that this kind of thinking needs to be deterred. What would happen if people started to give a shit, civilised and determined opposition, that’s what! Free thinking is infecting our society. I blame the internet, women and the Jews.”
Mr Hampton’s spokesperson Krusty McRebel told the Daily Jews that despite the arrest, climate protestors would not be put off from protesting.
“We know that there is a climate emergency”, he told us while between taking long puffs of his splif. “Any day now we could all die from Global warming of something. We need to stay out on the streets until the government stops pissing about with Brexit and actually does something… God, this shit is good”.