Witches Union to sue ‘Labour against the Witchhunt’

500 years after hiding away due to humanities hatred of them, the ancient order of the Nottingham Witches and Warlocks union (NWWU) has made itself known to the world again.  This in response to a continued campaign by the group ‘Labour against the Witchhunt (LAW)’ which claims antisemitism in the Labour party is made up and its members have been unfairly targeted.

A member representing of the NWWU, Mr Howard Hogwarts aged 712, apparated into Westminster Crown Court today to file a formal complaint against LAW.  They claim in their submission “LAW are diminishing the genocide of witches and warlocks which everyone knows took place in 1519 when mankind decided to rid the world of us by burning, hanging and sometimes even saying nasty words to us… We demand that LAW immediately change their name to something less hateful and more appropriate like ‘stop picking on us for Jew-hatred’ or some such.  In addition we stand with the Jewish community who like us are long persecuted and have big noses.”

LAW spokesperson Matthew Hopkins said “it is ridiculous to accuse an anti-racist organisation of being anti-witch, these smears have been cooked up by satan-loving old-women in the woods in their cauldron”.

Mr Hogwarts, who seemed rather drowsy apparently having slept the last 100 years, quipped “LAW is breaking the law… oh that’s quite funny, or at least it would have been in 1485, I’ve no idea about the current trends in comedy”.

When asked for a comment, a Labour party spokesperson said “The Labour party takes all complaints of anti-semitism and witch-hate extremely seriously and we are committed to challenging and campaigning against it in all its forms.

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