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Man breaks record for longest time sitting on a toilet

A Jewish man from Manchester has this week broken the world record for sitting on the toilet attempting to go.

Hymie Hoffman (62) from Prestwich sat on the toilet for five days without a break according to Nigel Nostril from the Guinness Book of Records.

“For five days I lived on the toilet, I ate there, I slept there, I davened there, but I didn’t shit there.” Mr Hoffman told the Daily Jews.

Mr Hoffman’s wife, Sandy Hoffman, said told us she was proud of Hymie. “This is the most prestigious thing anyone in our family has ever done. Our name will live on in the anals (sic) of history”.

Mr Hoffman claims he has actually spent an entire week on the toilet previously but without monitoring from the Guinness Book of World Records it can’t be entered into the official record.

The five-day event ended with a celebration after a series of very loud farts was followed by a giant poo. The family celebrated with a dinner out a Cholents, the famous kosher restaurant that serves 18 different types of Cholent.

Dr Schwartzkov (not real name) is Mr Hoffman’s physician. He updated the Daily Jews on the status of his patient’s health. “He’s a very ill man, really he should be dead.”

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