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Man decides to prorogue mother-in-law

A man from Newcastle has announced to the UK media that he will be proroguing his mother-in-law.

Derek Pardon (41) told the Daily Jews that he was expecting the “old bat” to die in a few weeks anyway but is too busy preparing for the aftermath that he would be proroguing the relationship.

“In effect, this means I will not need to speak to or even look at the old cow again before she kicks it”, he told us.

During the prorogue period, Mr Pardon is planning on getting out his old Guitar, playing some Fortnite and drinking more beer than usual. “I’m using this period to get to know myself better and plan for a world post that saggy piece of shit”, he told us.

Derek’s wife, Peggy Pardon, told us that at first she was furious with her husband. “I told him he couldn’t just do that. But then he showed me what BoJo did and how the Queen said it was OK and I thought, who am I to argue with the Queen?”

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