Gordon the Gopher comes out of the closet as Philip Scholfield

1990’s TV star Gordon the Gopher has come out of the closet and announced to the world that he’s Phillip Scholfield. Mr Scholfield revealed that he has never actually been a real Gopher and he was even aware of this when Mr Gopher married Maurine the Mouse in 2011.

Mr Scholfield told reports “I apologise to my wife, Maurine, for lying to her all these years as well as our adopted Children Freddy the Ferrit and Geoffry the Groundhog. I’m finally at peace with my identity as a human, but I realise I have caused many people pain, including the many fans of Gordon the Gopher who believed in him.”

The BBC have confirmed that they had no knowledge that Gordon was not a Gopher during his years presenting on CBBC. Incoming BBC Director-General, Roland Rat, told us “I will be launching an investigation into this as soon as I start my job, rat fans”.

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