‘Farter’ decries move to open plan office

An office worker in Tottenham this week has threatened to take his employers to court over their proposed move an open plan office.

The office worker, Dave Scott, told the Daily Jews that the move was an infringement of his human rights. “As a loud and frequent farter, I often feel society judges me when I let one rip in public. I’ve been mocked, laughed at, and verbally abused for something that is part of my self-identity.

I’ve survived in this job because I had my own private office, which meant I could pretty much fart the whole time. No one ever said anything apart from a few comments about the room smell.

Now the company is trying to create more ‘cohesion’ by taking away our offices and making us all work open plan. This move will destroy me”.

We asked Mr Scott’s employers ‘Cones R Us’, who are the number one manufactures of Traffic cones in the UK, for their response. A spokesperson told us. “We operate a non-discriminatory working environment. There is even a dark fellow working here. So Mr Scott will be most welcome to practise his personal rituals such as farting aloud even in the open-plan office. We would not tolerate and abuse towards him.”

Co-worker Desmond Bergkamp told us “I don’t know what all the fuss is about if you ask me it’s all a load of guff.”

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