Makers of BroigusApp to release ShpilkesApp

The makers of successful mobile phone application BroigusApp which is now being used by most of the worlds Jewish population have announced a companion app called ShpilkesApp. Founder of BroigusInc the company behind the apps told us “I’ve made so much money from the first one, but I still can’t afford a house in Tel Aviv”.

ShpilkesApp uses your phone to detect your heart rate, and level of exercise, as well as your age, weight and height. The app will compile this data against the amount of Broigus in your life (BroigusApp required).

A Tzuris questionnaire goes into depth asking about any upcoming Simchas you have to pay for and a meshugas rating for your mother-in-law.

An algorithm then takes all this data and creates a ShplikeScore for you. If your ShplikeScore is over 90%, you need to call Hatzola immediately.

During testing, the firm used goyim to create baseline results as according to the founder, Solly Josephs, “they should know such problems”. He told us “A ShplikeScore of less than 20% means your probably not Jewish and you should ask your parents if you were adopted.”

The app will monitor you throughout the day alerting you when you should kvetch and when you should take more medicine. It will also generate WhatsApp messages for you based on the current ShpilkesScore. Examples include: ‘Such a day I’ve had!’, ‘I can’t even talk to you I’m so verklempt’.

In testing, the Daily Jews managed to get a Shpilke score of 79% after a stressful day at work, and a talk with a mother-in-law. The app sent this message to all our friends, “I’ve had enough already, when will the Aibishter take me to Olom Habo?”

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