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All no-deal Brexit experts “wrong” says Gove

Minister for Brexit clusterfucking, Michael Gove, today spoke to an exclusive audience of wealthy, fat, white men. He told them that all the experts who are predicting no-deal Brexit problems are wrong.

Mr Gove was speaking at a special meeting of the Tory bastards club and wanted to assuage any worries they might have. He said: “All the analysis is wrong and I’m right. But don’t worry because in a worst-case scenario, it’s only the lower class poor people, pensioners, disabled, and other vulnerable people in society who will suffer. Just make sure your portfolios are all moved off-shore before October 31st.”

Mr Gove re-iterated that the government were still hoping that “the stupid foreigners in the EU will come to their senses and remove the backstop so we can have a deal”.

We asked Mr Gove how it is that all the experts are wrong. He told us: “They’re a bunch of left-wing, hippy liars and idiots and yes that includes: the Bank of England; the British Retail Consortium; the office for budget responsibility and of course our own advisors”.

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