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Mel Gibson to remake Fiddler on the Roof

Mel Gibson is to produce, direct and star in a remake of Fidler on the Roof. Despite his history of antisemitism, the actor is “definitely not antisemitic”, according to his agent.

The remake will reimagine the story and set it in 1st Century Judea. Tevyah will be a local Jewish priest who sees Jesus as an imminent threat to the Jewish people and calls upon the Roman Tsar to kill him.

One of Tevyah’s children, Mary, wants to marry Jesus. Tevya objects saying that if she does, he will sit shiva for her and never speak to her again.

In a remake of the spooky cemetery scene, Frummer-Sarah is resurrected by Jesus after she promises to follow him in a dream.

The penultimate scene sees Jesus telling Tevya’s children to leave their family and their possessions as the Kingdom of God is upon them. Instead, they move to New York to start a thriving business. Jesus is left to hang out with a bunch of fishermen and a tax-collector before being Crucified.

A post-credit scene will have Gibson’s Tevyah’s hands covered in blood while laughing maniacally at the camera. He’s screaming: “It was us Jews, it was all of us Jews”.

Gibson told the Daily Jews, “We haven’t cast Jesus yet. We’re looking for the whitest person so we can remind everyone Jesus was nothing like the Jews.”

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