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How to be antisemitic and original

How to guide

Here at The Daily Jews HQ in Fleet Street, Hendon, we’re tired of the same old boring antisemitism that gets bandied around.

After a couple of thousand years, you’d think the goyim would come up with some better insults?

Yes we have a big noses
Yes we’re all wealthy
Yes we control the world
Yes we eat Christian (and Palestinian) children’s blood

That’s all obvious, get over it.

So, to inspire the haters out there, we asked our readers to come up with some new slurs for you. Here’s what they sent in:

Doris of Golders Green: Your challah tastes like a dirty old schmutter

Frummer Sarah: Chosen people? Chosen for what? Indigestion?

Roger from Gants Hill: Your Rabbi’s so dumb he only knows four tractates of the Talmud off by heart

Dov Bear from Stamford Hill: If Israel was so good, how come all you Jews left there 2000 years ago?

Devorah from Salford: You think the pogroms were terrible, try having sex with foreskin.

Jonny from Southgate: If you Jews are so smart, why haven’t you fixed climate change?

Sarah from St John’s Wood: If Judaism is so good, why did Jesus have to start a new religion?!?

Rochel from Old Street: Your religion recognises matrilineal descent because your men are more effeminate than your women

Yoni from Hendon: Golders Green is ironically neither gold nor green. If its name really reflected it, it would be called Rubbish Grey

Shosh from East Finchley: Your up-and-coming newly married young professionals describe Borehamwood as “The Place to Be.”

Dovid from Edgware: It’s a mitzvah to have sex on shabbos. That’s why Jewish women cook so much food that the men are incapable of moving.

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