Vegan distraught that she has run out of people to tell she is a vegan
News this week that Emily Hernbury from Dalston is terribly distraught after coming to the realisation that she has told most of the world she is a vegan.
Ms Hernbury who has been Vegan for 18 months, told us that telling people she’s vegan is what gave her purpose in life and that now she is feeling lost and confused: “First I became vegan because I wanted to feel smugger than non-vegans, I quickly realised that the real joy of veganism came from telling everyone in my proximity that I’m vegan to see their reaction. After running out of friends and family to tell, I launched a nationwide advertising campaign to tell the whole of the UK and then I went global. My researchers tell me that I’ve now reached saturation point, although I’m taking a trip to West Africa this year in the hope of meeting some tribes that haven’t heard yet.”
The news about Ms Hernbury broke as new research was released that has shown Vegan’s are 5x more likely to tell everyone about their food choices, they also have lower rates of cancer but are more 4x likely to be punched in the face for being annoying.