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German police: Pied Piper was a paedophile

German police are confirming that a new enquiry has revealed the famous medieval Pied Piper of Hamelin was, in fact, a dirty paedo. Last year the local Hamelin police found remains of scores of children along with hundreds of rats in a cave outside of Hamelin. The Pied Piper, real name Herman Goebels, is famous […]

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Exclusive: PM Johnson using BroigusApp

The Daily Jews can exclusively reveal that Boris Johnson is using BroigusApp, furiously. He has added 21 recently fired Tory MP’s as well as his younger brother Jo to his Broigus list.  His watchlist for potential broigus includes a large number of his remaining remain supporting MP’s. A spokesperson for Broigus App told us “We’re […]

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Why London bus drivers fall asleep at the wheel

A new report has shown that 1 in 6 London bus drivers have fallen asleep at the wheel within the last year.   We decided to ask seven bus drivers whose names begin with S, why this is happening: Sandeep from Ilford: I had a passenger who wouldn’t stop talking, she was so dull it sent […]

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‘Who do you think you are’ reveals every famous person has Jewish ancestry

BBC Producers have confirmed that every famous person in the UK has Jewish ancestry. The revelation comes as ex-footballer and TOWIE star, Mark Wright, will find out his forebearers were Spanish Jews and torture victims of the inquisition. Executive producer of the show, Fern Tree, told the Daily Jews that the show has become predictable […]

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App designed to avoid dating mishigas

A new Jewish dating app is launching, designed to avoid the social embarrassment of dating in the community. “Jinder – Jewish dating without the tsuris” – will allow users to avoid matching with their friend’s ex’s, family and mashugana’s. Founder of the new app, Yorum V’layla, told the Daily Jews he had personally experienced many […]

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Jewish mother arrested for forced-feeding local children

Photo: An artists impression of the Jewish mother A Jewish mother from Hendon, PhyllisPhilis Eeatalotski (52), has been arrested for force-feeding local Children. Mrs Eastalotski had been on the police’s watchlist for several years after having been reported to be soliciting chocolate brownies outside a primary school in 2015. The mother of five who is […]

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Mothers demand the right to return faulty children

A group of Mothers are demanding changes to the trade descriptions act that would allow them to return faulty children within 14-years of giving birth. The group called ‘My child is a little shit’, is campaigning to force hospitals to take back children. They also demand the hospitals offer a full refund (of the costs […]

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Man decides to prorogue mother-in-law

A man from Newcastle has announced to the UK media that he will be proroguing his mother-in-law. Derek Pardon (41) told the Daily Jews that he was expecting the “old bat” to die in a few weeks anyway but is too busy preparing for the aftermath that he would be proroguing the relationship. “In effect, […]

A slightly less cute puppy that Charlie.  The original photo could not be used due to the health hazard.

Cute puppy causes owners eyes to explode

Rob Ponim (45) from Jewtown Road in Stanmore took Charlie the puppy (3 weeks) home as a gift for his wife and children.  He told the Daily Jews: “Everything was fine until I looked at him for  15 seconds without blinking. My eyes started itching. I thought maybe I was allergic. Blood was leaking down my cheeks, but I […]

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Jewish Chronicle too expensive for some antisemites

For many people in the UK Jewish community, the Jewish Chronicle is a Shabbat treat. But spare a thought for people who can’t afford it and have to use regular toilet paper. The problem is worse for thousands of poorer antisemites across the UK who rely on the Jewish Chronicle to spin their conspiracy theories […]

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