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Nations pets going ‘doolally’ over lockdown

An investigation by the Daily Jews has found that pets around the UK are going doolally during the lockdown. 89% of dogs we surveyed, 65% cats and 50% of Gerbils reported they we’re sick and tired of seeing their owners 24×7. Ronny the Rotweiller told us he loved his owner but really wants him to […]

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5g causes Coronavirus

Experts on the internet have confirmed that 5g is the cause of the novel Coronavirus. Researches around the world pooled their talents and, we’re able to prove that every time someone makes a phone call using 5g, an elderly person with underlying health conditions dies of Covid-19. Dave Cullings from Portsmouth who works in a […]

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Survivors bored of the apocalypse already

A poll of Covid-19 survivors found that 93.24% of people are already bored of the apocalypse. The survey which polled 3.2bn people, mostly in countries inflicted with the deadly new coronavirus was carried out by Morris-Ipsos. “I really thought it would be more action-packed than this” Dave Woodwood 29 from Southend told us. He went […]

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Readers coronavirus worries

We asked our readers to write in with their biggest worry about Coronavirus. Here’s what they said: Serena from South Ken: I’ll run out of Netflix tv series to binge, then how will I chill? Delia from Camberwell: What if toilet paper isn’t edible after all?  Tarquin from Chelsea: The Captain of my private yacht […]

NEW YORK, NY - MARCH 4:  A Yeshiva student wears a face mask on the grounds of the university on March 4, 2020 in New York City. A Yeshiva student has tested positive for Covid-19. The student's father was the second person to test positive for Covid-19 in New York and is currently hospitalized. (Photo by David Dee Delgado/Getty Images)

Coronavirus advice for shul-goers:

As we enter a dangerous phase in the spread of Coronavirus with many Jewish communities being in heavily affected areas, we have put together some top tips for staying safe in shul. Do not share Tallitot as it can pass the virus, in fringe cases. When you get to shul, and you wish people a […]

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Coronavirus: Happy Birthday infringes copyright, say Warner Bros

Warner Bros, the owner of the copyright on the song Happy Birthday, has issued a cease and desist order to members of the public who sing Happy Birthday twice while washing their hands. The letter sent to all homes in the UK states “playing the tune back in your head is allowed, but singing it […]

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Jews 100x more likely to suffer from coronavirus panic

A survey by Morris-Ipsosovich has found that Jews in the UK are 100x more likely to be terrified of coronavirus than Goyim. The poll which ran between 1-2 pm yesterday a randomised sample of Jews and Goyim were asked: “On a scale of 1-10, how afraid are you that coronavirus will result in a shlept-out […]

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‘Oscars’ to sue ‘Jews got Talent’ by Jewish care

Monty Meyerowitz, CEO of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences (the awarding body behind the Oscars) has announced he is to sue Jewish care of their hosting of ‘Jews got Talent’ the final of which is this coming Sunday. Meyerowitz told the Daily Jews that ‘Jews got Talent’ is the Oscars and therefore […]

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At hustings, Labour leadership hopefuls bid to make the Jews shut up

The Jewish Labour Movement together with Labour Friends of Israel, along with Mossad, hosted a labour leadership hustings event last week. All four leadership candidates, Becks Bailey, Thorny Berry, Lisa Nandos-Chicken and Sir Keir Poshboy had previously signed up to the Elders of Zion pledges*. On the night, Nandos-chicken was the toast of the room […]

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Jewish Chronicle to merge with Daily Mail

After months of negotiations, the Jewish Chronicle has agreed to merge with the Daily Mail today. The JC has been financially struggling for years despite being funded by the Elders of Zion and other Zionist world controlling groups. This merger would see the stabilisation of their finances and a new car for the editor, Stephen […]

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