Piers Corbyn arrested for being a nutter

Cable Street descendants immune from racism and being bonkers

Following the arrest this weekend of conspiracy nut and Piers Corbyn, brother of former Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn, the Institute for Baseless Studies (or IBS) has released its long-awaited report on the descendants of people who fought the fascists at Cable Street. The Battle Cable Street was fought in the east end of London by […]

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IDF prepares preemptive strike against Yachad HQ in Syria

Following extensive meetings with Mossad HQ in London aka the Board of Deputies, the IDF is preparing a preemptive strike against Yachad operatives in Syria. “We’re fighting this proxy war run by the real enemy, Yachad UK, and we will hit targets anywhere necessary to protect Bibi, I mean the State of Israel,” An IDF […]

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Interview: My spirit animal wanted me to get rich – Part 1

Sparkles McMuffin (68), psychic healer to the rich and famous tells us about her gift and how the universe wants her to be stinking rich. Daily Jews: When did you first realise you had ‘the gift’? Sparkles: I was eight years old, and out shopping with my father. I tried to steal a shiny fake […]

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Pornhub staff given ‘key worker’ status

As the lockdown continues to bite and the prospect of a complete reversal looking less likely this year, the UK government has issued new advice designating Pornhub staff, and it’s content creators ‘key worker’ status. The upgraded status will mean that Pornhub staff and creators will be allowed to leave the house to do their […]

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Covid19: Highgate man distraught he has to shop in Tesco

A man from Highgate, who has asked not to be named for fear of retribution by his neighbours, has spoken of the pain he has felt in having to shop in Tesco due to the pandemic. The man told us he has been shopping at Waitrose and Marks and Spencer for his groceries for the […]

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Nations pets going ‘doolally’ over lockdown

An investigation by the Daily Jews has found that pets around the UK are going doolally during the lockdown. 89% of dogs we surveyed, 65% cats and 50% of Gerbils reported they we’re sick and tired of seeing their owners 24×7. Ronny the Rotweiller told us he loved his owner but really wants him to […]

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5g causes Coronavirus

Experts on the internet have confirmed that 5g is the cause of the novel Coronavirus. Researches around the world pooled their talents and, we’re able to prove that every time someone makes a phone call using 5g, an elderly person with underlying health conditions dies of Covid-19. Dave Cullings from Portsmouth who works in a […]

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Survivors bored of the apocalypse already

A poll of Covid-19 survivors found that 93.24% of people are already bored of the apocalypse. The survey which polled 3.2bn people, mostly in countries inflicted with the deadly new coronavirus was carried out by Morris-Ipsos. “I really thought it would be more action-packed than this” Dave Woodwood 29 from Southend told us. He went […]

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Readers coronavirus worries

We asked our readers to write in with their biggest worry about Coronavirus. Here’s what they said: Serena from South Ken: I’ll run out of Netflix tv series to binge, then how will I chill? Delia from Camberwell: What if toilet paper isn’t edible after all?  Tarquin from Chelsea: The Captain of my private yacht […]

NEW YORK, NY - MARCH 4:  A Yeshiva student wears a face mask on the grounds of the university on March 4, 2020 in New York City. A Yeshiva student has tested positive for Covid-19. The student's father was the second person to test positive for Covid-19 in New York and is currently hospitalized. (Photo by David Dee Delgado/Getty Images)

Coronavirus advice for shul-goers:

As we enter a dangerous phase in the spread of Coronavirus with many Jewish communities being in heavily affected areas, we have put together some top tips for staying safe in shul. Do not share Tallitot as it can pass the virus, in fringe cases. When you get to shul, and you wish people a […]

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