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Boris promises new government will hate all minorities equally

Boris Johnson has ramped up his electioneering with only a day left of campaigning. The Prime Minister is reaching out to all minority groups, some of whom have complained about Tory racism. In a speech to his supporters in Stockport today, Mr Johnson promised that he would launch an independent enquiry into all forms of […]

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Labour offers ‘goody bag’ in last-minute election bid

The Labour party today has offered to give everyone in the country a ‘goody bag’, should they win the election which is being held on Thursday this week. Jeremy Corbyn pledged today that within the first 100 days, every man, woman, non-binary gendered human, child and Welsh person would receive a bag in the post […]

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Boris Johnson to appear on Andrew Neil, 13th December

PM Boris Johnson has finally agreed to be grilled by interviewer Andrew Neil, on 13th December. Neil who had previously torn a new anus for Corbyn was supposed to have been providing new cavities for all the leadership hopefuls but until now Mr Johnson had avoided setting a date. Johnson told the BBC today that […]

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Trump runs home crying from creche after other kids laugh at him

US President Donald Trump ran home from the NATO creche crying today after some other kids laughed at him in the playground. Mr Trump (68), reportedly told his babysitter with tears streaming down his face: “Trudeau and Macron were mean to me in the playground today, so I left school early.” He went on to […]

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UK divided over which sack of shit to vote for

A new poll out today by Morris Ipsosovich shows the electorate shifting their votes to the two main parties. The party led by the blue sack of shit is now at 39% with the party led by the red sack of shit closing the lead now up to 32%. We asked voters today how they […]

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Polling company accused of “pro-Jewish” bias

Polling company Ipsos-Mori is being accused of being too pro-Jewish. The claim made by the Federation of Antisemites Sadistic Cunts Islamophobes Sociopaths and Theatre-critics or FASCIST is that Ipsos-Mori is, in fact, a man called Morris Ipsosovich who lives in North Hackney. The FASCIST group went on to say that Mr Ipsosovich was good at […]

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Jewish Chronicles success due to ‘hysteria & fearmongering’ report says

A leaked report from The Daily Jews research department has shown that the online publication is way behind its competitors such as the Jewish Chronicle and the Jewish News. Analysis has shown that the Jewish Chronicle is 1000% more hysterical and 850% more fear-mongering in its articles which explains why it leads the Daily Jews […]

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Dumb and Dumber movie mistaken for UK election debate

A new poll by YouGov has revealed that 200k people watching Dumb and Dumber last night thought they were watching the election debate between Corbyn and Johnson. The pollster said after the film that 51 % of those thought Boris (Jeff Daniels) came out on top, whereas 49% thought Jeremy (Jim Carey) came out on […]

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Tory party to be nationalised under Labour government

Labour party leader, Jeremy Corbyn, today outlined plans to nationalise the Conservative party should they win the election. Mr Corbyn was talking to a forum called ‘Brexit on-the-fencers’ about his plans for maybe or maybe not pursuing Brexit, when he announced the new policy. He told the audience: “For too long, the Conservative party has […]

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Review: Micky Mouse tackles addiction in new Disney+ show

Disney has launched its new streaming service in the USA, Canada and New Zealand with a strong back catalogue of TV and film and original shows such as the Star Wars series ‘The Mandelarion’. Another new show is called ‘The Mouse’ and features a fat, middle-aged Mickey Mouse fighting a crack addiction. The live-action show […]

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