Heineken Virus has led to zero deaths so far

Following the news announced last week that Heineken are launching their own virus to compete with Corona, initial testing has shown the zero % fatality rate. The team at Heineken labs have been injecting test patients with 200ml of Heineken a day and other than some sickness and headaches, the virus has yet to cause […]


Gordon the Gopher comes out of the closet as Philip Scholfield

1990’s TV star Gordon the Gopher has come out of the closet and announced to the world that he’s Phillip Scholfield. Mr Scholfield revealed that he has never actually been a real Gopher and he was even aware of this when Mr Gopher married Maurine the Mouse in 2011. Mr Scholfield told reports “I apologise […]


Heineken to launch rival virus to Corona

British based larger brand, Heineken are to launch their own bespoke virus to compete with the popular Corona-virus created by the Mexican larger company. A statement from Heineken Inc said “The Corona-virus has done wonders for the Corona brand and we’re looking for the same kind of uptick in sales by creating our own lethal […]

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No antisemitism in Labour party say antisemitic Labour members

The Jewish community in the UK breathed a huge sigh of relief as a survey of Labour members who are antisemitic has shown that none of them has seen antisemitism in the Labour party. Marie Van Dam, the President of the Board of Deputies, who represent 1% of British Jews according to the same survey, […]


New Star Trek series to be set in retirement home

Following the success of Star Trek: Picard, the new show streaming on CBS All Access and Amazon Prime. Executive Producer Alex Kurtzman has announced a new Star Trek show to air next year to be set in the dementia ward of a retirement home. Mr Kurtzman told The Daily Jews that the 94-year-old Jean Luc […]


Brexit supporter wondering why foreigners are still here after 31st Jan

A Brexit supporter from York is in shock after realising that his Polish neighbours haven’t left the UK following Britains exit from the EU on 31st Jan. Dave McMac, 37, from York whose parents were born in Ireland is “gutted” that Brexit doesn’t mean Brexit. He told the Daily Jews that he voted Brexit to […]


Bochrim decry ‘anticlimactic’ Daf Yomi ending

After seven seasons of Daf Yomi, streamed all over the web, thousands of avid followers of the series have been left disappointed with the ending of the Talmud. Daily Jews visited the Siyum Hashas fan convention in New York last week and spoke to fans about their experiences. Noson ben Noson from Delaware has been […]

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Star Wars: Rise of the Skywalker spoiler-free review for frummers

by Rav Shmuly Yankleberg Firstly, I have to say it’s totally asur min hashomoyim to watch this film. Having said that, I had to watch it to make sure the kehilla is properly warned about the danger to Klal Yisrael in it. I went to the cinema, but I was worried about maris eyin, so […]


Corbyn’s clone to stand in leadership election

Jeremy Corbyn’s biological clone has announced he will be standing for the Labour leadership. The clone, named as Jeremy+ Corbyn, was created three years ago as a backup plan by campaign group Momentum should the original Corbyn be hit by a bus or even more unlikely, lose the election. Jon Lansman, token Jew of Momentum, […]


Appeal: Socks are not just for Xmas

Every year millions of socks are bought as gifts at Christmas. The buyers’ intentions are usually good, to provide a loving home, warm washing machine and regular walks. But a shocking new study has shown that 98.87% of Xmas socks are discarded after only one week. The study was funded by the National Association of […]

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