Report: Consuming water addictive
A new report out from the Ministry of Brexit Obfuscation has found that drinking water is highly addictive. The report used existing data sets around the world, which showed that humans get addicted to water at a very young age. Report writer Bernard Resevour told a packed audience that this problem is more severe than […]
Top 10 things you didn’t care about celebrities you’ve vaguely heard of
Yeah! Here we go! Click here to give us more traffic!! You’re not going to believe these mad facts we have about people you don’t care about or have never heard of. Number 10: A celebrity is gay! Wow, that’s a shocker. It’s so important to know the sexual orientation of famous people!!! Number 9: […]
Tube seat wants right to die
A seat on the Northern Line of the London Underground which has gained sentience has expressed the wish to die this week. Dave (not his real name) spoke to the Daily Jews anonymously in the hope that the plight of sentient tube seats will become a public issue. “I was an inanimate object for the […]
Hair fetishist Hairdresser wins award
Dandy Footloose (33), a hairdresser from Sutton, has won an award for hairdressing innovation. In an extensive interview with the Daily Jews, Mr Footloose explained to us how he decided to become a hairdresser when he was 16 after realising he was sexually attracted to hair. “It started when my friend Andre asked me to […]
Daily Jews launch new logo
After six months in development and nearly $10m spent on the project the Daily Jews, today launched it’s new logo to the world. We asked the editor of the Daily News what he thought of the new logo “Well… It’s OK” he told us. The logo design was inspired by the image of Jewish comedian […]
World hipster council rules beards no longer hip
The international council for hipsters and beatniks (founded in 1965) has announced this week that beards are no longer in fashion. The council which has delegates from 45 countries meets annually to discuss if something is ironic enough. There are then votes to decide what the global community should be wearing, owning and doing to […]
Man breaks record for longest time sitting on a toilet
A Jewish man from Manchester has this week broken the world record for sitting on the toilet attempting to go. Hymie Hoffman (62) from Prestwich sat on the toilet for five days without a break according to Nigel Nostril from the Guinness Book of Records. “For five days I lived on the toilet, I ate […]
Jews 1000x more likely to face antisemitism
A new report from CST (the Community Security Trust) has found shocking evidence that Jews are considerably more likely to be at the receiving end of antisemitism than non-Jews. Research conducted over five years shows that a Jew is 1000x more likely to receive antisemitism than a non-Jew. “This shocking revelation shows once again how […]
Clinic for Jewish addictions opens
A clinic for Jewish addictions has opened in Golders Green. “Enough Already” is an initiative run by JAMI, the Jewish Association for Mechuganes and Investors. Miriam Macaroon, the project’s founder, told the Daily Jews it was her own experience that led her to set up Enough Already. “As a child, I was abused by my parents, […]
Local churchgoers shocked to discover Jesus was Jewish
Congregants of a local Church of England parish in Swinford, Kent, are in collective shock after their priest informed them that Jesus was actually Jewish. Reverend Richard Dingsbottom, who has served the parish for over 40 years, told the Daily Jews he couldn’t hide the truth from his flock any longer. “I was reading a […]
