BBC Panorama to expose Labour party Witch-hate obsession
Opinion By Satan Rothschild Over the past year we’ve heard the line “The Labour party is opposed to all forms of anti-semitism and witch-hate” so many times that many of us hear it in our dreams, usually between the guilty bacon sandwich and the frottage with our mothers. The soundbite even topped the charts when […]
Panorama programme is ‘hatchet job’ say thousands who haven’t seen it.
Thousands of Jeremy Corbyn supporters today branded the as yet unaired Panorama programme on Labour antisemitism a ‘hatchet job’ this morning. Corbyn supporters were confident that the programme would be full of lies and smears as Jeremy Corbyn doesn’t have an antisemitic bone in his body and the party has, in fact, no problems with […]
Chris Williamson learning the Hokey Cokey for next series of Strictly Come Dancing
Labour MP Chris Williamson was today referred to another Labour disciplinary committee after the NEC decided it could not overturn his current suspension. The Daily Jews has learned that this entire saga is actually part of a rehearsal process for next years series of Strictly Come Dancing. “Having been suspended and readmitted, I got to […]
Poll: 66.6% of Tory members would vote for Armageddon to secure Brexit
A new poll today conducted by Jewgov has found that 66.6% of Conservative party members would accept armageddon and Satan as their lord if it secures a no-deal Brexit. Hendon local branch member Rick Morningstar told the Daily Jews “it’s not that we want Armageddon, it’s just that it’s preferable to all these foreigners coming […]
Ladies Guild strike over trans inclusion
Hendon United Synagogue ladies guild has gone on strike, it’s been announced, over the Rabbi’s insistence that trans-drag-queen Malka Tikvah who is a member of the synagogue be allowed to join the ladies guild. Ms Tikvah aged 69 who last year failed to become Israel’s entry in the Eurovision song contest said ever since she […]
Katie Hopkins feeling ‘dirty’ shaking hands with a Jew
Katie Hopkins returned from Israel this week where she screened her new movie ‘I hate Muslims more than I hate Jews’ to an audience in Jerusalem. Upon returning she was reportedly devastated to learn that the non-Muslim Israeli’s she met were Jews. She told a confidant “Look the Jews are not as bad as the […]
Vegan distraught that she has run out of people to tell she is a vegan
News this week that Emily Hernbury from Dalston is terribly distraught after coming to the realisation that she has told most of the world she is a vegan. Ms Hernbury who has been Vegan for 18 months, told us that telling people she’s vegan is what gave her purpose in life and that now she […]
Reform chief vows movement will become ‘frummer’ than Masorti
Citing intense competition for members over the past decade, Reform Judaism’s Senior Rabbi, Laura Janner-Klausner said her rabbinical assembly will soon be taking steps to lure more halachically observant members away from Masorti. The steps under discussion involve accepting the halachic authority of the Orthodox Chief Rabbi, Ephraim Mervis. Whilst the philosophy of the movement […]
Football Transfer rumour: Arsenal linked with entire Real Madrid squad
In this week’s sports roundup we’re able to give you an exclusive on Premier League club Arsenal’s summer transfer exploits. The team managed by Unai Emery has been linked buying the entire Real Madrid Squad for a world record €2bn. Football insiders have confirmed that after failing to seal Champions League football this year, Arsenal […]
Shidduch Crisis is ‘fake news’ cries whistleblower
By Guest writer; Yossi Sephardiker A leading shadchan has released details of a secret campaign by shadchanim around the world to profit by making us worry needlessly (as if we didn’t have enough to worry about already). Rabbi Shnitzelburger, who until last week presided over the Global Network of Venerable Industrious Matchmakers (GNoVIM), speaking from […]
