JFS pupils four times more likely to get laid than Hasmo pupils
A new study published by the IJPR this week has shown that JFS male students and alumni are four times more likely to get laid than their Hasmonean counterparts. The study was conducted over 12 years and involved interviews with over 2000 students and former students. Jewish sociologist Kevin Ben-Hagrid told the Daily Jews that […]
Anger as Jewish Chronicle edits letter
A writer of a letter to the Jewish Chronicle this week wrote in an angry letter of complaint, to the Jewish Chronicle, because her missive wasn’t published in full. The complaint letter was published by the JC this week. It details how Helen Polishtownski’s 1000 word letter deserved better coverage. “My letter, which detailed the […]
UN report shows vegan diet contributes to climate change
A new report out today from the UN working group on climate change includes previously unknown data relating to methane emissions. It is well established that vegan food sources have a considerably lower carbon footprint than omnivorous diets. This is down to land, water and food requirements for cattle. Now the scientists have factored in […]
Spurs consult fans on best word to slur Jews
Tottenham Hotspur football club has today launched a consultation with fans to decide which is the best racial insult to use against Jews. Historically Spurs have been known as the Yids or Yiddos. In recent years this slur has become dull and worn-out, so the club is reaching out to fans to look for replacements. […]
UN accuses Israel of creating illegal settlements on the moon
(caption: Israeli tardigrade clearly seen holding an AK47 assault rifle) The United Nations General Assembly today passed resolution 2897 condemning Israeli aggression through its efforts to colonise the moon. The resolution came promptly following the news that an Israeli space vessel had left tardigrades on the earth satellite. A statement from the UN body read: […]
Rise in antisemitism down to Jews complaining
Caption: even Simon Sharma has had enough already with the enough already people UK antisemitism monitoring charity, CST, has released figures for the first half of 2019. They show a 10% increase in reported antisemitism compared to the same period last year. Dovid Palwin, spokesperson for the charity ‘Enough Already with Antisemitism’ told the Daily […]
Scientists invent time travel to kill composer of Hava Nagila
A small team of scientists from the Technion (Institute of Technology) in Israel have invented time travel. The team conceived the project as a way of going back in time to kill Hitler. However, they decided a more pressing matter was to kill the composer of Hava Nagila before it was written. In 2014 Hava […]
Boris unveils plans to invade Scotland
Prime Minister Boris Johnson, has announced plans to ensure the United Kingdom stays united. With the prospect of a hard Brexit looking likely, the Scottish government is warning a new Scottish referendum could be triggered. Mr Johnson responded to possible calls for a new referendum by promising democracy will have its say. “There may need […]
Vegan politely asks mice to leave his house
Vegan homeowner, Marcus Smugus, has reportedly asked a mischief of mice to leave his premises or face expulsion. The mice moved into Mr Smugus’ 3-bed terrace house four months ago. They have taken to scratching at wood in the night, eating Smugus’ food and crapping on Mr Smugus’ bed while he’s at work. Speaking through […]
PM launches ‘duck and cover’ hard Brexit ad campaign
British Prime Minister Boris Johnson has announced a £100m advertising campaign to ready the country for a hard Brexit. The centrepiece of the campaign is an advert telling the country to ‘Duck and Cover’ in the event of a hard Brexit. The government will be running a series of drills whereby air-raid sirens are sounded […]
