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Man desperate for human contact makes dentist appointment

Brian O’Miles, a 52-year-old engineer from County Kerry, Ireland, told the Daily Jews, he was so desperate for human contact he has booked a Dentist appointment in the hopes of physical touch during lockdown. On a zoom call, Mr O’Miles told us of his frustrations. “I live in a two bed flat with my cat […]

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War: Corbyn releases first hostage

Jeremy Corbyn has agreed to give up one of his hostages after being readmitted into the Labour party. However, he has told a press conference tonight that he will be holding on to the second hostage until he has the whip restored. Mr Corbyn, who was recently suspended from the Labour party after undermining its […]

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Daily Jews guide to US Election fake news.

With all the confusion around the US presidential election, allegations of voter fraud and fake news. We’ve created a handy guide for our readers to determine if a claim is fake or real. Was this claim made at a press conference outside a gardening store? If so, it was probably false Has the person who […]

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Antisemitic character cancelled by Sesame Street

Disney Studios this week have confirmed that following a petition signed by 1.7m people, The Count from Sesame Street has been cancelled and all episodes with him in will be deleted from the Disney catalogue. The petition was created by Trevor Mild, a middle class 30-year-old white man from Portland Oregon who we spoke to […]

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Corona vaccine causes autism, hair loss and a sore bottom say people who want to be first in line for the vaccine

The team behind the Oxford coronavirus vaccine today released data showing the efficacy and safety of their product which has completed phase II trials. However, a new group called ‘vaccines for people who don’t believe in stupid conspiracy theories’ has warned that the new vaccine has many side effects, including making everyone hate you if […]

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Daily Jews to launch rival to 40 under 40

The Daily Jews are pleased to announce it’s launching a much less ageist version of 40 under 40, entitled ‘Worst Jews’. ‘Worst Jews’ will list the top 40 awful people currently active in the Jewish community. We’re currently taking nominations with early nominees being: Stephen Bollard, especially since the JC was ‘rescued’ Grant Shapps, for […]

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‘R’ rate for Cummings memes now below 1, government confirms

A press release from Number 10 this morning announced the news that the R rate for memes relating to Dominic Cummings breaching of lockdown is now below 1. The news will come as a relief to Prime Minister Boris Johnson who has been hoping people will just “shut the fuck up” about his Chief advisor […]

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BoD advising PM on taking confused immoral leadership stands

Reports have emerged this morning that Board of Deputies president, Marie van der Something has been coaching Boris Johnson over the Cummings Covid-19 debacle. Mr Cummings is the senior advisor to Boris Johnson and masterminded his unlikely win over Jeremy Corbyn at the general election in 2019. He was recently caught breaking the lockdown rules […]

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Covid19: Ministers told to curb their charisma in daily briefings

Downing Street advisors have warned the Prime Minister that the daily Covid-19 briefings presented by senior ministers may be too charismatic, according to a leak from Number 10. The unnamed advisors are reportedly concerned that the public may be misled into thinking the government gives a shit about people, which could be why the Tories […]

Piers Corbyn arrested for being a nutter

Cable Street descendants immune from racism and being bonkers

Following the arrest this weekend of conspiracy nut and Piers Corbyn, brother of former Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn, the Institute for Baseless Studies (or IBS) has released its long-awaited report on the descendants of people who fought the fascists at Cable Street. The Battle Cable Street was fought in the east end of London by […]

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