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All no-deal Brexit experts “wrong” says Gove

Minister for Brexit clusterfucking, Michael Gove, today spoke to an exclusive audience of wealthy, fat, white men. He told them that all the experts who are predicting no-deal Brexit problems are wrong. Mr Gove was speaking at a special meeting of the Tory bastards club and wanted to assuage any worries they might have. He […]

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Why did you become vegan?

A question that vegans never get asked is: ‘Why did you become vegan?’ So the Daily Jews decided to interview a bunch of vegans for you and here’s what they told us: Shiela, a fashion designer from Hackney: “Animals are ugly, I don’t eat ugly” Kent, an artist from Chelsea: “So I can be all […]

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Corbyn generously offers to become PM

Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn, last night offered to become PM to solve the Brexit crisis. The generous offer to replace the UK’s first clown Prime Minister, Boris Johnson, comes despite his repeated efforts to ensure this would never happen. Mr Corbyn has employed a dual strategy of allowing antisemitism to fester in his party and […]

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Last person to claim PPI checks into psychiatric asylum

The last person in the UK to have not claimed PPI, Robert O’Dear from Lincolnshire, has been identified. Mr O’Dear has reportedly checked into a private psychiatric facility to deal with the trauma of receiving 300 calls a day. The calls come from the three remaining claims companies who are hoping for a taste of […]

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Mel Gibson to remake Fiddler on the Roof

Mel Gibson is to produce, direct and star in a remake of Fidler on the Roof. Despite his history of antisemitism, the actor is “definitely not antisemitic”, according to his agent. The remake will reimagine the story and set it in 1st Century Judea. Tevyah will be a local Jewish priest who sees Jesus as […]

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JFS pupils four times more likely to get laid than Hasmo pupils

A new study published by the IJPR this week has shown that JFS male students and alumni are four times more likely to get laid than their Hasmonean counterparts. The study was conducted over 12 years and involved interviews with over 2000 students and former students. Jewish sociologist Kevin Ben-Hagrid told the Daily Jews that […]

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Anger as Jewish Chronicle edits letter

A writer of a letter to the Jewish Chronicle this week wrote in an angry letter of complaint, to the Jewish Chronicle, because her missive wasn’t published in full. The complaint letter was published by the JC this week. It details how Helen Polishtownski’s 1000 word letter deserved better coverage. “My letter, which detailed the […]

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UN report shows vegan diet contributes to climate change

A new report out today from the UN working group on climate change includes previously unknown data relating to methane emissions. It is well established that vegan food sources have a considerably lower carbon footprint than omnivorous diets. This is down to land, water and food requirements for cattle. Now the scientists have factored in […]

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Spurs consult fans on best word to slur Jews

Tottenham Hotspur football club has today launched a consultation with fans to decide which is the best racial insult to use against Jews. Historically Spurs have been known as the Yids or Yiddos. In recent years this slur has become dull and worn-out, so the club is reaching out to fans to look for replacements. […]

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UN accuses Israel of creating illegal settlements on the moon

(caption: Israeli tardigrade clearly seen holding an AK47 assault rifle) The United Nations General Assembly today passed resolution 2897 condemning Israeli aggression through its efforts to colonise the moon. The resolution came promptly following the news that an Israeli space vessel had left tardigrades on the earth satellite. A statement from the UN body read: […]

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